Satan's Apostles - YOU

For all of you religion persons out there, I've been doing a little reading and a little thinking (I know - thinking and religion don't normally go together) and I have come to the conclusion that when you become a member of a religion, you are doing the work of Satan. This is concluded from what I have been able to read from your own favorite book of non-facts, The Bible. According to the Bible, God, Heaven, and the angels all existed before God decided to make the universe. God made everything then decided to create Man. When he created Man, he decided to give him a wonderful gift. He gave Man "free will." He gave Man the ability to actually think and reason so that he could work to make a Heaven on Earth. Satan and his followers were angels and they became angry that God gave Man free will because angels did not have free will. Okay, forgetting for a moment the fact that angels without free will would not have been able to make this thought or act on it, let’s just pretend that maybe Satan and his followers were some sort of heavenly middle-management team with more rights than the bottom tier angels. Hey, it makes as much sense as anything else in the bible. Anyway, they got pissed off and started a war in Heaven in order to oust God. You remember God, don't you? This is the diety that the Bible says is all-knowing (he didn't see THIS coming) and all-powerful (didnt stop Satan from attacking him). Anyway, the Bible spins it that God won the war but that can't be true because Satan was still around, and, God gave concessions to him. This story sounds more like the battle was even and the sides compromised in order to stop the fighting. God got to keep heaven and the free-will-less angels, but, Satan got his own kingdom from where he could torment humanity. This may have stopped the war, but the underlying issue that caused it (giving Man free will) remained. Satan then tricked Man by pretending he was God and told them he was "angry" and "jealous" and demanded that man worship him or they would be sent to eternal torment in Hell. Man responded by creating religion in order to worship God. Satan laughed because religion became the vehicle for bigotry, intolerance, hate, exclusionism, war, the Dark Ages, and every other major evil in the world. A historical researcher has concluded that religion has been responsible for more than 85% of all the war-related deaths on the planet since historical records were kept. Satan could torture and hurt the people whom he hated so much by making them hurt and torture each other. But the best part (for Satan) was that religion was the vehicle for Man to VOLUNTARILY give up his wonderful gift from God, free will, and turn mankind into mindless followers of the religious elite. How Satan must laugh every Saturday and Sunday when more than 95% of the Earth's population walk voluntarily into houses of worship where they are told that everyone that is not in that particular house of worship is not a "true believer" and should be disregarded, ignored, hated, excluded, punished, or (as in the case in the religion called "Peace") just killed outright since they are an "offense" to God. What’s more …. YOU ALL BOUGHT IT! Hook, line, and sinker. Because you are all so AFRAID of the threat of Hell, so afraid of the unknown of death, and so selfish, you will do anything, including murdering others, torturing them, and making their lives living hell, in order to try to save YOUR OWN SORRY ASSES. Truly loving and peaceful people would never have invented the torture chambers of the Inquisition or burned other humans alive. God must be up in a very lonely Heaven wondering how you can all be so F*ing stupid. He gave you free will. You ought to be smart enough to figure out how to make your lives better, not worse. How to help and comfort others, not hurt and kill them. What brilliant revenge. Take a wondrous and marvelous gift, given to Man by God to create peace and harmony, and twist it to create death and hate. I can hear that evil laugh now (queue soundtracks from South Park). So all of you religious nuts can continue to go to church and hate me for not, but, in the end, you are going to have this revelation, as you stand at the turnstile waiting your turn for entry, that Hell is a really crowded place, full of people who all believed they were doing their evil "for God." Hope you don't mind the crowds. Take a fan.