True Confessions

I hate visiting my mother. Not because I don't care, but because I do. I go because I should and (at least for now) she still knows me. But this is not really my mother. This is not the woman I grew up with and it is painful to watch this deterioration. The woman I grew up with had a quick wit and a great memory and a humorous inclination. This woman is not her and I don't particularly care to see her. If I would stop, of course, my relatives would once again turn against me as a heartless fiend as they did when my sister spread her lies. Not that this would really hurt me. I generally have stopped caring years ago what my relatives feel about me. But the bullshit would slosh over to my family since most of them are so judgemental, and that would make me angry and probably start some things I can do without for now. So I do my duty periodically by seeing this woman who looks like my mom, but isn't really anymore.

Lettin the Mind Wander

So many people spend so much time turning into liars and idiots because they have decided that they will do whatever they need to do, no matter how bad, because they feel they want to be known as a certain type of person or belong to a certain group. They mold themselves into an image so that others will think of them and accept them in that image. But deep down, they know it's a lie. They know that this is not them, that it's wrong, and even in some cases evil. No matter how they revel in their carefully crafted image, there is always a little part of them that whispers that it's wrong and this gnaws at them throughout their whole lives.

They have failed to learn that the only person you can be, is yourself. The only person you should be trying to impress, and compete against, is yourself. The only person who can improve you is yourself. And the only person who can love you for who you are, is a person who gets to see the real you, not your carefully crafted image.

Personal integrity. Personal responsibility. Personal honor. Those are the only things that can make you a good person and a good citizen. All the rest of the junk like money, power, influence, control, may make you believe you are making your life better or are making you a more important person, but it's just a trap. It makes you the worst kind of shallow, thoughtless, self-deluded clown. A clown who will stop at nothing, hurt anyone, break any law or contract, just to feed their own selfishness. And that makes you the worst person you can be, not the best.

Want to be the best you can be? Be yourself.