Fires Gone Cold

On Saturday, January 24th, one of the toughest and saddest days of my life. Our beloved family dog, Samantha, was put to sleep. To be sure, I have had to have pets euthanized before. I grew up in a house full of pets and, occasionally, they had medical problems or age caught up with them and they had to be put down. But I was a kid then, and we were just told what had to be done, the pets went away and never returned, and we were sad. This was completely different. She was 12 1/2 years old and we had her since she was about 8 weeks old. I brought her into the house and, although the family all thought of her as "their" dog, she really was "my" dog. She was smart, she was happy, she was fun, and we were best buddies all this time. She developed tumors in her nose and sinuses and, other than controlling any infections, there was nothing we could do for her. She finally became so disabled by the things that it was just cruel to make her continue. She couldn't smell, she would hardly eat (lost 10 lbs in a month), and she was bleeding almost constantly from her nose. If she sneezed she would rip loose a tumor and blood would pour from her nose and mouth. She was tired and miserable ..... and I had to make the decision to kill her. That alone was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. The entire family went and we held her and were with her when they put her to sleep. It was quick, it was painless, it was quiet, and I felt like a freakin' axe murderer. It was as if I had betrayed her and killed her with my bare hands. I have never felt more horrible. I have been sad and depressed all week. My stomach was in knots for two days and, now that I am reliving all of this, it has been rolling over again. I know I will eventually get over this, but the heartache I feel for the loss of my beloved friend and companion I will never forget. I loved her with all my heart and I will never forget her. The love and friendship and caring she returned to us will always be a bright spot in our lives. Goodbye baby. You'll be missed always.